Ataxia

2008-03-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

She felt a prick of a sharp needle on her arm. Again they were drawing blood; tears emerged and slowly rolled down from the corner of her eyes.

She opened her eyes to find herself alone in her room. She looked at her arm and found a small cut that she made yesterday. It tingled when she touched.

So it was that. She thought and wiped her tears.

2007-09-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

She stared her left arm. It had four long cuts and one deep bleeding slash. The sight of dripping blood gave her a queer sensation. Her arm was hurting. The feeling of new tingling pain was overwhelming. For a while, she forgot what was tormenting her. The sour memories and harsh realities ….. such thoughts were so painful that they had cut her to the soul.

She held her arm and closed her eyes. The pain of this bleeding arm is better than the pain of my bleeding soul. She said to herself.

2007-03-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

He said nothing. Silence said it all. His uncaring manner irked her to no end.

She promised herself to not even let him come near her heart and assumed he would never make it so far. But like a warrior, he besieged the fortress and marked his territory.

He stood up and walked away. She realized that he had taken a piece of her with him. But then she shook her head to clear her thoughts, because it was she who let him in her.

2007-03-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

She studied her reflection in the mirror and recalled what he had said. He admired beauty and had always been lavish with compliments.

She broke the mirror. She was just one of his beauties.

2007-02-19T23:41:00.000-08:00

He was tracing patterns of crisscross lines on her palm. She looked at him and wondered which special line made her so lucky to get someone like him.

She felt her pulses fluttering in rhythm.

2007-02-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

"Teacher, you look ummm…… nothing," the girl stopped when I looked at her with my wet, swollen eyes.

"Yes, do you wanna say something?"

"No, all I wanted to say that your eyes look pretty," she seemed intimidated, I am a strict teacher.

"But you look sad today," another one blurted out. "Are you sad, teacher?" the sincerity of her tone filled the air. Everyone looked at me and I could read the same question in their eyes. Their innocence and naivety engulfed me and all miserable feelings disappeared.

"Not anymore." I smiled.

Distance of time

2006-03-23T17:52:00.000-08:00

The party was in full swing. The lawn was full of guests. Everyone had put on the best attire, ladies in dresses of chiffon, embroidery and watered satin while gents in dark evening suits. Food had been served and people were enjoying the banquet. The atmosphere was warm and jovial. Exchange of greetings with beaming smiles, shake hands and usual ‘hellos’ was taking place. Everyone seemed to be engrossed in the soirée except … him. His eyes kept slithering along with her. She, … dressed elegantly in black, unnerved by his bold glances, was moving around turning heads wherever she went.

He was alone and furious. His female companion had left him and he could see her talking to other mates. He was fuming with the feeling of neglection and jealousy. More than that, he was upset with himself. All his efforts had gone futile. She had appeared so calm and composed despite of his ceaseless ogles. He wanted to talk to her but couldn’t get her alone. And…. Above all, she had dressed to kill. She was taking it out and he knew it.

Though she enjoyed subjugating his mind and holding his attention but his surveillance had started to irritate her. He followed her everywhere she went. With a plate of food in her hand, she started to stride towards the corner making her way between the gorgeously dressed and bejeweled ladies.

She felt herself at peace. He was nowhere to be seen. There were few people around her and luckily, all of them were strangers who were engaged in their personal conversations. She was glad to have found some place to collect herself, and started eating her food. Suddenly, she was aware of observation. She looked up and encountered the… gaze of his dark intense eyes. Her heart started pounding.

There they were, just two of them, standing in front of each other surrounded by the echoes of silence. She felt that time had stopped, and the lawn had become void of people. Everything seemed to have faded away except him. Memories began flooding back. The love, the desire, the temptation and …. the betrayal, the torture, the pain …. the scenes continued until she shut her eyes in anguish, and tried to blot out those memories. She collected her shattered thoughts and then opened eyes to see him. He was watching her, with regret and longing in his gaze. That appeased her wounded ego and the agony of her heart. He seemed to be intimidated by her. She realized that he wouldn’t be able to come near her. Apparently, they were few steps away but the distance was of thousand miles. And with that beautiful realization, she smiled and walked over towards crowd.

Dawn

2006-03-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

The full moon shines
And the cricket rhymes
The strong wind blows
As the darkness grows

The night is still
And the air is chill
The dog howls at a distance
And is visible from my stance

Loneliness fills inside
And breaks my pride
My heart sinks
And the world shrinks

The tears blind me
For an hour wee
Then, the silence breaks
And the world wakes

The sun peeks through
The clouds go through
The dawn ends the sorrow
And the sun rises with another tomorrow.

2006-02-27T16:41:00.000-08:00

surrounded by darkness, I search for light
morality tells me what's wrong and right
lost in labyrinth of inarticulate facts
I call for guide ...crave for sight
the chain of religious and social taboos
shackles around my feet tight

the morals and goals that i hold inside
are the feelings i just cannot hide
with thoughts echoing in my head
a gaping whirlpool opens up wide
breaking the cages that had me confined
pulling apart the rules I were to abide

so proud of this freedom from bondage
that saved me from paroxysm of rage
and I plunged into abyss of this gyration
because it allows me to live thru my age
it gives an egress to my thoughts
and let them fly away thru the cage

Silence must be heard

2005-10-04T21:21:00.000-07:00

hEy! I read this poem somewhere....really liked it so decided to share it with you all :)

S I L E N C E

When the silence came,
Nobody was there,
Nobody to hear the silence

Which was why, (nobody supposed)
There really was silence.

-Jacques du Lumerie

Secret of a Girl

2005-10-01T01:59:00.000-07:00

There is a girl I see everyday
Alone at the corner, in the alleyway
An anxious expression is what she wears
Her eyes are always glistening with tears

She stands there all the daylong
Wishes if somewhere she could belong
Her face bears a wan smile
That hides her pain for a while

I took the courage to ask the cause
But she couldn't tell me what it was
Her downcast eyes revealed the pain
When she tried to smile in vain

I understood what she was trying to hide
The sour memories and the broken pride
She hid from me her bleeding soul
Her injured dignity and esteem as whole

She hid from me the people's sins
And smiled with smiles and grinned with grins
She told me the story with her teary eyes
That now she is thru, she wishes she dies!

Learning the Hard Way!

2005-09-18T01:35:00.000-07:00

Deep in the corner of my heart
Love is still there as was in the start

But all the writing with fire
Has become a lost desire

Memories have become phantoms
Though appear as night comes

The pain, the agony is now gone
As I lay in my bed alone

The touch that injured my soul
My dignity, my esteem as whole

The temptations that succumbed me
All have vanished and I m free

Difficult to fathom this line of thought
But this is how I’ve tried to sort

Putting my soul back in the mortal shelf
Losing him is actually gaining myself!

Schizophrenia

2005-09-17T02:24:00.000-07:00

How do we define reality? …. Something that exists? But what exists? …an entity?…a being? Throughout our lives we study that this is real, that is real …Newton’s law is true, Laplacian principle is true ….e = mc² is true…whole science is based on truth….anything which is true is science but how do we prove that this is true and this is not? Logically???
What’s logic? A reason…that’s what “sane” people say! Why do we always reason through mathematical methods? I mean anything that cannot be proved mathematically or scientifically is not true?

Those who could not prove existence of an entity or their proof is not based on pre-defined “logically true” methods are categorized as insane, psychotic, schizophrenic etc etc.

Existence is nothing but a belief. We believe that God exists…. angels exist, demons exist… souls exist…. aliens exist…. love exists (for some :p), hate exists ….life exists…death exists… gravity exists….I exist…you exist….all philosophical and mathematical entities exist! What doesn’t exist is what we don’t believe!!! Our collective beliefs are taken as reality. Even existence theorems, reality- testing methods, psychoanalysis measures are based on beliefs that have been hard-wired in our minds.
Reality is relative!!!

Schizophrenia

Do you see what I see?
Do you hear what I hear?
Do you feel what I feel?

No, I am not insane
I just see things I cannot explain

I see a woman walking in the alleyway
I hear distant voices of chanting in the day
These are not my thoughts as you think
It’s just that we are missing a link

No, I am not insane
I just see things I cannot explain

You feel love, I don’t; I feel pain, you don’t
But we both have fears that still haunt
I hear sounds in silence; like you hear echoes of memory
But then why we both belong to different category?

No, I am not insane
I just see things I cannot explain

It’s not a social ignominy
Nor a hopeless plight or the end
But it's an optimistic pilgrimage
Of all the thoughts I could not mend

No, I am not insane
I just see things I cannot explain.